Bended not broken
by MissDeLys
Summary: This is my contribution to the "wheel challenge" on the FSOG Facebook group and I was aiming for less angst, trying to twist the song around in my head and this is what I came up with. Takes place between the last chapter in Freed and the epilouge. (Rated M for safety - im not sure i get the system)


Authors note: Okay I'm rusty, I'm Danish and really don't write that often anymore, especially in English. So bare over with me on the grammar and errors department, my Danish teacher used to tell me that my "commas" had a life of their own, and I came to the conclusion that he was right, I use my talents on other things instead. But please feel free to give advice.

Oh and one more thing, the letter L on my laptop is only working about 30% of the time, I've tried to catch them all but if I've missed a few, well you know why then.

This is my contribution to the "wheel challenge" on the FSOG Facebook group and I was aiming for less angst, trying to twist the song around in my head and this is what I came up with. This is actually the last minute result, had half a story down (maybe it'll pop up years from now), but it never felt right to me, had to angsty a feeling for my liking and the upbeat tone of the song really spoke to me and won out in the end (Uh oh, and one more thing, I never heard the song before Carriej picked it ;-)

Song: Pink – Just give me a reason

**Bended not broken**

Hormones curses through your body, messes with your mind and makes you fifty shades of crazy. It's a powerful phenomenon, wrecking through your body taking over your mind, body and reasons. That I knew from experience and boy did I have a record on that account. Elena Lincoln had once used them to control me and the whole deal was the courtesy of those said hormones. And that had been a really bad case, one of the worst seen yet. That was until now.

Now I was on the receiving end and with nowhere to hide from them. With a wife being more than seven months pregnant, I was smack down right in the middle of a big wad of hormones on a daily basis. Like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. And boy did that bring back the feeling of frustrations.

Mainly because Ana had decided that I was to blame for it all. And Ana's temper these days where ten times worse than mine. Currently she was more mercurial then I was on a good day and more than once I've had found myself, CEO of a multibillion dollar company, hiding in the kitchen instead of facing the monster that was my pregnant wife. On the good days the hormones turned her into a horny mess, now that I could handle, that I knew how to deal with. If I was fifty shades of fucked up, Ana was fifty shades of hormonal pregnant.

I don't have much experience with pregnant ladies. Up until about 6 months ago I was clueless to the pregnancy hormones and the effect they had on her. But now I probably could write a book titled "50 ways to piss off a pregnant lady", not that I had found the golden formula as to what would set her off. What triggered the rage one night would do the opposite the next one. It came and went, and I just tried to keep up, out of hit range of course.

Tonight's mood swing however was brought on by something new in our relationship. A "no" to sex and that one came from me. Usually I don't turn down the offer and boy had we already compiled a long list of pregnancy inspired places, including the back of the Audi, a trip to the meadow on the grounds of our new house and even the balcony of my grandparents' house, while the rest of the Grey clan where having dinner in the next room.

But when the mood stroked her, like today at the impromptu surprise baby shower that Mia and my mom had thrown her, I had put my foot down. Not to count in that she had worn me out the night before, but My Grandmother, my mother and sister was in the next room for Christ sake and whisking the guest of honor away like that would be all kinds of wrong. I'm sure in hindsight my somewhat free-spirited grandmother Trevelyan would approve of it, after all we were providing the much converted grandchild, but even I had the sense to say no then.

But boy that was the wrong move, and now the monster was taking it out on me, letting any and everybody in my vicinity get the full blown hormonal rage effect. That was three long hours ago and she was still not backing down on her quest for revenge on me. The ride home from Bellevue had been dead silent, and now we were returning home to Escala, no doubt the plans for the playroom date was cancelled.

She stormed out of the Audi, slammed her door shut with a loud bang not waiting for me or Taylor to help her out and stormed off toward the elevator, giving both of us the evil stare. For a moment I actually considered offering Taylor to park the Car instead of facing her myself. I looked pleading at Taylor but he shrugged his shoulders. So nothing to do but suck it up and I went carefully to stand next to her, waiting for the elevator to arrive.

"Sir, your…uhm.." Taylor stammered, holding the ridiculous teddy bear and the balloons out for me. Oh yeah, Ana was still ignoring us both, so I took both and just watched enviously as Taylor speed walked back to the Car.

"That's all for tonight Taylor, go home to Gail and spend time with her" Ana said to him, dismissing him. Just to piss me off I think. Taylor an ex-army guy, who probably knew how to kill in 6 ways without making a mark actually, sighed a breath of relief murmured "yes mam" instead of the usually Mrs. Grey and fled the scene in no time at all.

Just as I saw the back of the car exit the garage, the door pinged open and Ana Stormed into the carriage, that suddenly seemed to be very small with us, the bear and the balloons. No tension or familiar pull tonight, just one very hormonal pregnant wife. I carefully cast a glance at her, but quickly threw down my eyes upon finding her glaring at me. I made plans to use the stuffed giant as shield should I need it when the wagon suddenly halted and came to a stop, before the light went out and leaving us in a totally blackout.

"What the…" I said, and caught her stumbling into my chest. After a couple of seconds a small dim emergency light turned on. Not much, just enough that we were able to make out the profile of each other and the keyboard with the floors on it.

"Are you okay" I asked her and she just nodded and sank down on the floor, pulling of her heels. I pulled out my cellphone, only to find out that there was no reception in the elevator. Great, what now, I turned to the dimly lit panel and pushed the big reed emergency button and waited. Nothing happened. I pushed it again, and after what felt like minutes but probably was just seconds the voice of Sawyer came through over the small speakers. He informed us that the elevator repair guy was already on his way and that at the moment there was not anything he could do to get us out. So now the only thing left to do was to wait. I looked down at Ana but wasn't sure I should approach her or not.

"Sit down" she ordered with a glint in her eyes. I almost saluted her, but obeyed her and lowered myself down on the floor in a position in the opposite corner as her, mirroring hers facing her front to front.

"I won't bite you unless you ask me to, I promise" she said with a giggle, and I sighed and scooted myself over next to her. I missed her when we had these hormone induced periods of war, and although I knew better, a small part of me was afraid she would turn and run. Now she was on full out giggle flip and I stared at her in disbelief. God I loved her giggle. Carefully, I leaned over and pecked her on the lips. Testing the water, and needing to be close to her at the same time.

"Am I that bad" she asked with mirth in her eyes, and now we were both giggling. "Just taking precautions, after all I have no escape routes" I said and looked around in the small elevator room.

Filled with us and a bunch of balloons, gift bags and the giant teddy bear, curtsy of my ever youthful shopaholic sister there really wasn't that much space left. I took the giant teddy and offered it as a pillow to Ana's back, being almost 8 months pregnant, it offered her a great deal of support. She smiled thankfully and started caressing my cheek, eyes still not meeting mine. She had stopped giggling and the silence where so loud.

"You know, you're not the only one who's scared" she confessed in a small whisper after a while. "I know I've been moody, and I for one would love to get rid of these mood swings, but I can live with that" she said pausing before looking me squarely in the eyes.

"But I'm scarred of the birth, the pain and the time is running out…" she said, holding up her hands to stop me. "You know, I've been able to ignore that fear, pushing it forward, but then today, the whole shower thing just knocked me of my feet. I mean, it's soon…and I can't run from it anymore, and that scares the hell out of me" she said. " you've been having these nightmares lately, and I feel left out because you won't share them with me, please don't keep me out, we've come so far, too far to keep one another out now" she pleaded.

My heart sank, I thought I had been able to cover up my fear, but as always she read me like an open book. I wanted to share, but I didn't know how to, I looked pleading at her, and pulled her into a hug. We sat like that for minutes it felt like, with her nuzzling the crook of my neck and me gently massaging her back.

"I don't know how to be a father" I whispered, the dim reflection from the mirrors eccoed my face and I couldn't help notice how scared I looked, looking down at her searching face. "My biggest fear is that you will leave me once you see that I don't know what I'm doing".

"No Christian, No…" she started to protest but, I signaled to her to let me finish, I needed to get this out so that we could be truly honest to each other.

"It haunts me" I said to her "it haunts me every time I think about my reaction, of you telling me about the pregnancy, the hurt I saw in your eyes and the way my own fear won that battle. I keep thinking that had I reacted a different way that night, we wouldn't have been angry at each other and maybe, just maybe the whole Hyde thing would never…" I sobbed, and she gasped and I buried my face in the crook of her neck letting it all out.

She silently rocked me like a small child wile I let out the fear of losing her back then that I had pent up all these months. The guilt of not letting her in. The fear of not being good enough for my son. Minutes later she gently pushed me back, and I stared at her.

"I know just what we need now" she said with a wicked glint in her eyes. Oh yes please I thought. "No not that! Well not yet anyway" she giggled and just pushed me gently back and reached for her handbag.

"Now we've done this before "she said as she crossed her arms and pulled her sweater over her head. She tugged something from her purse pocket, clutching it in her hands. Then proceeded to pull up her tank top to, expose her bulging stomach. Handing me the object, I immediately recognized it and started laughing. "Are you serious?" I asked her, and she nodded "I trust you" she said, and in those words was double meaning.

"You're serious?" I asked her again, just to be sure she had not lost it completely, and she just nodded.

"Oh yes, think of I like a trust exercise, like John would say, we need to walk before we can run, so give it your best try" she pointed at her bulging stomach and laid back down.

I uncapped the lipstick and tried to hold my mask. I can't believe I'm about to do this. Now where to start? Then I surrendered, caressing the stomach with my free hand before I started to draw. First I drew the eyes, then a small nose, and ending with a smile. She now had a big "pink" smiley on her stomach and we both where admiring the result, before lowering myself down next to her. Now we were both lying on our backs facing the mirrored ceiling.

"Give me your hand, quickly "she suddenly said, pulling my and onto her stomach. At first I felt nothing, but then suddenly it was there. A tiny nudge from our Blip. I wasn't the first time I felt it, but it always threw me, making it so real.

I'm about to become a father, someone is going to call me dad, and I knew that without a doubt that no matter what that I would love this tiny person, I already did, and vowed at that moment that I would do anything in my power to protect it always, my fears aside this was the most important thing in my world, in the world. Blip and Ana.

We just laid there content at feeling the soft thumping of his foot against my hand for a long time, and then she turned sideways and looked at me.

"Where not broken Christian" she said almost in a whisper. "All the things that happened to us may have bended us but we came out stronger in the end" a single tear formed and ran down her cheek. "Promise me that we always will talk, that we won't let us hide from each other anymore" she begged, and I discarded the lipstick and pulled her into my lap, strewing her with small kisses all over her face, before descending to blip and continuing there. She pulled me back up and kissed me with all she had. I groaned and was about to start fulfilling the wish from earlier this evening, when the light on the elevator came on full force and the elevator started again, opening up at our floor.

On the other side of the door was a very surprised Sawyer, who looked like he was concentrating very hard on not breaking into laughter. I caught my reflection in the mirror and then Ana's silent giggle when I pulled her up to her feet dragging her up off the floor, and started to collect all the stuff.

"Don't worry honey, I'll help get the lipstick of your face" she burst out laughing and ran toward the bedroom. I gaped at her for a second, before turning to Sawyer muttering "not a word", abandoning all the stuff on the floor and took off running towards my wife and the shower that I could already hear running, this time there would be no "no" to the request of the hormone monster.


End file.
